Dear Advertisers,  I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again.  Number one: 'Bra'. Number two: 'Horny'. Number three: 'Family Jewels'...I write letters to the editor once a decade or so. This is my attempt at upping that number. Thanks to Abe Simpson for the title.

P.S. I am not a crank.