Rejoice lovers of comedy (or haters of science, the environment, human empathy, so on and so forth), for Cheryl Gallant has won again!
by Andrew Fogarasi
To the Arnprior Chronicle Guide:
For many of us, the election results were cause for despair. Granted, former Prime Minister Stephen Harper (what a lovely phrase!) will no longer be actively undermining our multicultural society, institutions, and international standing, but here in our pleasant little riding of Renfrew—Nipissing—Pembroke, incumbent fossil Cheryl Gallant has won yet another kick at the can and at our reputation.
Don’t get me wrong. I am ecstatic at the Conservative defeat. The minor detail of who composes the new government and the form it takes is irrelevant, really. We would still be better off had we elected the NDP, the Greens, the Flying Yogic Party, or even a cuttlefish (which, incidentally, would have demonstrated more compassion and empathy than our former PM). Not even the unpleasant fact that the new government has a majority of seats (never a good thing) can dampen my joy. We’re finally done with Harper’s rule and may actually have opportunity to recover.
And yet… many are saddened by Gallant’s local victory. What does her re-election say about us, our ability to parse deception or think with our heads instead of our spinal columns? Dry your tears, my friends. With her party no longer in charge, she now has even less influence than she did as the backbencher too extreme to speak to the electorate, the press, or anyone, really. In fact, without Stephen Harper around to micromanage and muzzle her outbursts, we can look forward to all sorts of hilarious shenanigans. We’re bound to make national headlines often, and perhaps even international ones. So weep not, lovers of comedy. It’s a great day to be a Canadian, and at least an interesting one to be in this riding.